The Combat Consort: To be or not to be

Hamlet’s dilemma would appear inconsequential in comparison to the Olive Lady’s quintessential one which is, ‘to be or not to be…. a working woman.’ If you have the honour of being an Indian Army wife, you would find yourself in a unique and unenviable position as far as career options are concerned. The perpetual ritual of pulling up your roots every couple of years is detrimental to any profession to say the least, unless you have the enviable option of work from home or are a freelancer. Keeping up a regular job is not an easy task, yet you work and work with an admirable determination to surmount all the odds.

The other day I met someone who politely asked me if I was a ‘domestic engineer’. I brooded over the term—a nice improvement on ‘homemaker.’ But it would be insulting to call the Army Wife just a Domestic Engineer, for she is far more than that by any standards. The Army trains you to be an expert Horticulturist who could write a book on  ‘Your garden and you’; an Interior Designer who can create five-star ambience in a make-shift accommodation; a Canine Breeder with an admirable knowledge of breeds and their needs; a super Chef who can plan and execute  the most exotic  menus; an Event Manager who can take on Theme Parties to Gala Nights without batting an eyelid; a veritable Packers & Movers expert  and a versatile stage artist who is ‘anchor-host-singer-actor-dancer’, all rolled into one. However, nine times out of ten, you won’t be content with being only this wonder woman —you have to find your niche in the professional arena as well.

In any other walk of life, you can strike a balance between the personal and professional front with a little bit of manipulation but the Army adds a third dimension to your life and believe me this is no less important than the other two. I am talking about the social aspect. The growing trend in society, and I mean the non-olive one, is of detachment from neighbours and even a studied indifference towards everyone outside your own family. However, the Army way is definitely not like that. Building relationships and cementing long lasting friendships is at the core of the olive way of life. So, you have to be a conjurer with a higher order-juggling caliber as you strike the perfect balance between the three with graceful ease and manage each with aplomb. And this triple avatar obviously limits the professional options.

I would broadly divide the working choices of women married into the army as— ‘the non-teaching-working’ and the ‘teaching–working’ categories. The ‘non-teaching working’ ladies are the hard-core professionals—the doctors, the engineers, the management executives and the Central Govt. employees who draw for themselves the toughest lot. They are inevitably deemed to long spells of living apart and almost single-family status thanks to the nature of their employment. Bravely they snatch quality with their family, between endless periods of separation and countless hours spent at airports and railway stations. Longingly, they wait for or opt for retirement in favour of home and family.

With women shouldering the stars as well, it is fairly common to come across combat marrying combat and the working lady-officer gets geared to face even greater challenges. Her job profile demands equal commitment and man-hours or should I say woman-hours, as his. Somewhere along the line, children and home get transferred to obliging parents and parent-in-laws or to the domestic servants in the worst scenarios. Separations are inevitable here too because spouse-postings are not always forthcoming.

The wheel of fortune spins and rests finally to point at teaching as the best and most practical option for an Army Wife. I know of many short-service, lady-officers who happily pursued a B.Ed. degree after hanging up their uniforms and settled down to teaching with a gusto. This profession assures you of job availability at even the remotest of cantonments and the perfect solution to transfers--of quitting at a month’s notice and moving off to newer pastures. Importantly, the working hours are highly conducive to your social life as well as supportive of your personal one. In my 30 odd years of travelling across the countryside, I have been an active professional for the better part of the time and have enjoyed to the hilt a highly satisfying and enviable lifestyle which is unique to the armed forces.

That does not go to say that being a teacher is a piece of cake and without its share of ups and downs. It too has upheavals. It’s certainly challenging to start out in a new station with applications and interviews and the whole paraphernalia. Slowly you prove your worth, create a reputation and establish yourself when voila! your husband dearest’s transfer order zooms in when you are least expecting it and you are out before you’ve even tasted the sweet reward of hard work.

Starting afresh amongst youngsters; working to prove your mettle and carving your niche and then it is time to come back full circle to typing out CV’s and resumes all over again. Never a dull moment, to say the least and it certainly keeps you on your toes. Often the transfer comes in the middle of a teaching session and you can either choose to stay alone in some remote station till the term ends or move to the next destination and wait patiently for job openings in the new academic year.

Ask an army-wife-teacher and she’ll tell you why variety is called the spice of life! All said and done, the most amazing fall out of your job profile is that you play a new game every time. At one station you are an administrative head of sorts in some school, at another you are working with adolescents and before you know it you are singing nursery rhymes with the tiniest of the tiny-tots in your next assignment. You learn to teach all subjects to all groups and adjust to all sorts of rules and regimes. You pick up the best of each organization and add it to your little cache. No one could be a better judge than you of what should be retained and what can be avoided. You become a sought-after specimen because you are that rare piece of a jigsaw puzzle which can fit in with and complete the toughest of staff combinations.

The most gratifying aspect is the unusual and memorable experiences you pick up on the way. I myself taught first generation learners at Leh—little kids who knew neither Hindi nor English and I knew not a word of the local dialect…. yet I taught for two years and learnt the two most important lessons of my life. First, you don’t always need a language to communicate and second, students are universally the same everywhere…… they respond to genuine love and concern every time. Teaching across the length and breadth of the country, you pack more into a few years than your counterparts accomplish throughout the span of their sedentary careers.

In spite of always being on the move; in spite of always being on the bottom rung of the professional ladder-in terms of salary, increments or privileges; in spite of endless beginnings and endings or throwing up all you’ve worked for at a moment’s notice; in spite of no job security; yes in spite of all the odds,  at the end of the day  I am sure every Army wife will agree with me that what we have gained over the years cannot be measured and it is those beautiful experiences and learnings that really matter.  I am sure, given a choice, none of us would have it any other way or exchange our lot with anything else. We surge ahead with resolute determination because in our hearts each one of us knows and believes that ‘this is what I was born for, this is where I belong.’ 

ANEETA SHARMA

Hailing from a family of military traditions and spanning 28 years of teaching experience across the various schools in the country, Aneeta is now an acclaimed author of two books. Apart from this, she has contributed to international and national poetry anthologies. Her blogs appear under Random Musings @TOI